And we’ll never be royals

It don’t run in our blood

That kind of luxe just ain’t for us

We crave a different kind of buzz

Let me be your ruler

You can call me queen Bee

And baby I’ll rule, I’ll rule, I’ll rule, I’ll rule

Let me live that fantasy

– Lorde


Everyone knows I’m not all that into pants.

The first thing I do when I hit the front door is… drop my pants. I clean the house, take out the trash, and cook dinner… sans tha pants. I walk around Momma’s house, Nana’s house, Big’s house, and the beach house… pantless. When I go on trips with the girls, or “the family,” or with my BFFs… I’d like to think I stay pretty well freed-up from the waist down.

I don’t know why.

That’s just who I am, I guess.

The Pantless Bandit.

Anywho, the other day when my Auntie Crystal texted and asked if I wanted to host a Facebook Lia Sophia party, you can bet your sweet ass I was all over that shit. “Basically, what you’re saying is I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to clean my house, or cook sandwiches, or talk to people… like, not even wear pants, right?” I asked. When she confirmed what I already knew to be true, I was all, “Oh hell yeah, sign me up, yo!”

So, this is it, your formal invitation to my Drop Your Pants And Buy Some Damn Jewelry, People! party. It’s tomorrow, Tuesday, July 22, at 9:00 p.m. Your house. Be there or… I’ll cut you.

Just a few extra quickies:

  • If for whatever reason you are not able to join in on the fun tomorrow evening, you are always more than welcome to go straight to the Lia Sophia website, enter my name into the Hostess field, browse the bling, and place your order!
  • Word on the street is, July’s deal is: Buy 1 Get 2 at Half Price! What tha what?! Did I mention that includes sale merchandise! And keep in mind the least expensive item is always your full-priced item.
  • We don’t care if you get wasted at the party… just don’t forget to post your credit card number to the forum.
  • Finally, if any of you Ballas out there would like to host your own Drop Your Pants And Buy Some Damn Jewelry, People party, please reach out to my Auntie Crystal Mercer. After all, you do get free shit.

Looking forward to not seeing each of you tomorrow night! Oh and thanks again for not coming!




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