How’s It Going To Be

I wonder 

Is there anything I’m going to miss 

I wonder How it’s going to be 

When you don’t know me 

How’s it going to be 

When you’re sure I’m not there

– Third Eye Blind

Two nights ago, I was laying my head down on my pillow when all of the sudden… I nearly died.

I had just placed my water bottle on my nightstand when I felt the last gulp of water get stuck at the base of my throat. I swallowed hard – a half-assed  effort to force it down. I turned over. And then, as I laid my head down on the pillow, I felt my breath catch… I was choking.

I coughed, and hacked, and gulped for air. I sat up in the middle of my dark room and clasped my chest as I tried to cling to any ounce of oxygen I could grasp.

My heart started to pound in my head.

Oh sweet Jesus. Was this my version of Miranda’s “I’m going to die alone!” moment?

The line, “It took a week for anyone to realize she had passed. They say the cat ate half her face,” played on a loop in my mind for the rest of the night as my houndy snored on his night-night in the floor. “I’m going to die alone,” I thought… just like the lady that used to live in Miranda Hobbes’ old apartment.

Tuesday night’s little episode was rather fitting for what Wednesday was to bring…

Yesterday was Wes’ (Blog Creator Extraordinaire) last day at Big Blue Box.

So that sucks.

And doesn’t.

A few weeks back, just a week after Baby A was born, he asked me whether or not he should take the job he now has today. Without thinking, I blurted out, “Of course you should! Baby A literally comes days ago and you get a job offer just 15-minutes up the road? It’s fate! Do it!” And I was right. He should have taken the job. It was the best career move for his new little family. It was fate.

What I forgot to remember was, that in order to take New Job, Wes would have to quit Big Blue Box.

I had just told my BFF to quit. Quit being my lunch buddy, quit being my work partner, quit being my cubemate, and to quit hanging out with me 5 days a week.

Hadn’t really thought that one through.

Yesterday, I had to help one of my best friends pack-up his desk, and then I escorted him out of the building. Today, I’ve just been pretending he is still out on baby leave. Next week… will probably blow balls.

So that sucks.

Okay, so it really isn’t that bad. I mean, sure Wes, Sarah, and the new sweet Baby A live over an hour away from Miss Clariss headquarters… but it isn’t like we will never see each other again. After all, we do vacations together, and date nights… hell, what am I even whining for, Mr. Big and I are going up for dinner tomorrow night! And it’s not like we’ll never work together again – Wes and I literally just launched Lawson Creative, so hopefully we’ll be up to our ears in design work soon. Clearly (for whatever reason) I just have a thing for the dramatics this week… right?

What with the “I’m going to die alone” and “I never get to have any friends” – bits, you would think I was going through some sort of quarter life crisis.

In any event…

My Baby A,

Take care of your Daddy for me while your Momma is out there makin’ the big bucks.

I know by now you probably think he’s pretty lame, always making you go to bed and all… but really, I think you might actually start to like him. He is a smart man (even though he will probably ask you how to spell the simple words). He is funny and silly (even though he probably wants you to think he’s serious and strong). And he loves you and your Momma very much.

You see, he just needs a smart little lady like you to keep him on his toes, because when your Momma isn’t around, he thinks he can get away with stupid stuff… like bird calling out of the car window when strangers are walking along the highway.

I know, I know. You must be thinking, “My Daddy, not my daddy?!” Why yes, darlin’, your Daddy acts like a lunatic sometimes… especially when he gets around your Uncle Big.

And sometimes, even though you are the baby, you will have to be sure to give him the swift kick in the pants he needs to be productive… or he’ll do nothing but watch Jimmy Fallon and Modern Family reruns all day long. You’ll have to remember to carry extra wipes in your diaper bag also, because the man never remembers napkins (P.S. – I put some in his glove compartment just for you).

Anyhow, I am sure you will build a wonderful relationship with your Daddy. He is so, so proud of you. But if you ever get tired of him forcing you to watch dumb baseball, you just remember… Auntie Clariss is just a phone call away.

Love you sweet girl,

Auntie MC

8-15-2013 2-51-04 PM

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