I don’t mind letting you down easy
But just give it time
If it don’t hurt now then just wait, just wait a while
You’re not the big fish in the pond no more
You are what they’re feeding on
So what are you gonna do when the world don’t orbit around you?
So what are you gonna do when the world don’t orbit around you?
Ain’t it fun living in the real world
Ain’t it good being all alone
My tiny little Bubba is finally all grown up! The kid actually graduated college last Friday! It was the cutest little thing, really. Something like 90 people received various degrees during the 55-minute ceremony. Afterward, we all met back up at Momma’s for brisket and bonding.
Both sets of grandparents (Nana, Papa, and Mimmie), Auntie Crystal, Uncle Jeff, two of our cousins (Brandon and Travis), and Brandon’s girlfriend Marissa made the trip up from Charleston for the occasion. The grandparents stayed comfortably at Momma’s… everyone else slept over at my house. Sonny loved having a queen-sized “night-night” in the living room and he really enjoyed the company. We spent the weekend piled on top of each other playing games, stuffing our faces, and laughing.
On Saturday morning, Momma made a huge announcement. “This is Theodore Gatsby Baker,” she exclaimed. She stood in the middle of our living room holding up her cell phone for all of us to see. Displayed on the tiny screen was a tiny chocolate ball of sweetness – a baby standard poodle. Bursting with pride, Momma squealed, “We pick him up tomorrow!” “Tomorrow??” Auntie Crystal and I yelled. “We want him today!”
And so we got him.
Teddy is just the cutest. He has green eyes, the softest coat, and two teeth. He’s into chasing his tail outside, and gumming at his nephew’s (Sonny) long ears, and snuggling on the couch. Teddy-G was the perfect addition to our family and could not have come at a more perfect time.
Bubba’s graduation weekend was one to remember. On Sunday, everyone but Mimmie packed up and headed back home. Momma’s house suddenly felt empty and quiet…
Until Bubs announced to everyone how much money he had pulled for graduation.
“Now, I’ve just got to figure out what I’m going to spend it on. Or maybe I’ll just save it. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet,” he said. I rolled my eyes. Suddenly though, my ears perked up as Dad leaned forward in his chair. “I’m telling you, son, you had better hold onto that money,” he threatened, “Because as of this moment, everything car-related is your responsibility now.” I smiled. Ha. Getcha some, fool. Bubba flew into arguing, “What?! Dad, no! I have until January first.”
“What a dumbass,” I thought. “That’s like next week.”
This little conversation between my father and younger brother intrigued me. He really has no idea what kind of life he’s stepping into. The kid has never had a real job before. He has never lived on his own, or paid a bill, or put together a resume, or applied for a job. Hell, I don’t even think he would know how to even look for one. So, being the considerate big sister I am, I thought it’d be sweet of me to create a handy little list for him. You know, something he could print off and carry around in his wallet.
Here we go.
How to nut up, and grow up:
- Buy a calendar.
- Get a job, ya f*&kin’ bum. Any kind of job. Take what you can get. Remember, you aren’t too good for any position. Also, people couldn’t give two shits about your degree. So good luck with that.
- If you are so lucky to land a job at a company that allows their employees to leave at lunch… be thankful. Sometimes, it’s nice to stop what you are working on for an hour, get out of the office, run errands, go to the bank, or sleep in your car.
- Participate in any and all work functions. Yes, even if you aren’t feelin’ it. Also, try your best to be approachable, social, and interesting.
- Never, under any circumstances, should you ever trust someone who works at the: cable, phone, internet, insurance, or airline company. Why? Because they’re all f*&kin’ thieves, that’s why.
- Hey, maybe you should download your bank’s mobile application. You know, so you can learn how to monitor your own checking account and stuff.
- Oh, and quit “forgetting” your wallet every time you leave the house.
- If you find yourself in a serious or long-term relationship, and people start questioning you about marriage, babies, etc., be conscious of your responses. You’re a man now. You should be able to answer questions about your future and spouse with respect and honesty.
- Speaking of relationships… cut the bullshit. Stop playing games, and running around, and acting like a dickwad. Just be decent. Be honest, open, attentive, empathetic, and respectful.
- Stop asking Momma for gas money.
- Get a hobby. Preferably something profitable.
- Contrary to popular belief, one of he hardest parts about living on your own is remembering to replace those damn air filters. I think you’re supposed to do it like every three months or something crazy like that.
- Never discount the importance of good toilet paper.
- Proof-read. Everything.
- Keep your place clean. Women really don’t think it’s funny when your house smells like ass, or when our feet stick to the floor, or when your commode is so filthy we have to squat to pee.
- Never turn down an opportunity to spend time with your family or friends. Life gets busy very quickly. Always remember what is important.
- You have to brush your teeth. Yes, even on Saturdays and Sundays.
- Go see the world. A well-rounded person has seen how others live, respects diversity, embraces imperfection, celebrates beauty, and loves wholeheartedly.
- Work isn’t everything. It shouldn’t define you. You define you. Work is just something you do.
- Stop blaming everyone else for your own mistakes. Own your shit.
- Quit texting so damn much. And, for the love of God, put a case on your phone.
- Vacuums don’t suck up everything.
- Be a generous tipper. Cheapskates are ass clowns.
- The least you could do is buy me a friggin’ birthday gift every once in a while.
- And finally, learn to accept the fact that you really aren’t that special. Yes. I said it. The world is full of extraordinary people. Some save lives, and fight for countries, and create masterpieces, and cure diseases. Some people even know how to solve Rubik’s Cubes. You have to carve out your place in this world. Find your special and put that shit on blast, brah.
But seriously though… I am proud of you. I am excited for this next chapter. I am anxious to see where you end up, what kind of career you choose, and how far life takes you. Congratulations, Bubba. I love you!